RETIREDTV Wars
by The Long Name Ending In Cookie
Summary: PG just in case. Our favourite Pokemon and their Trainers watch TV... for once. A LOT of TV... the wars part? Well did you think Ash 'n Misty could agree on what to watch?


21st Century Vulpix presents  
  
TV WARS  
By PinkScyther  
  
DISCLAIMER: There are a lot of TV shows in this, so I'll just say I don't own any of them.  
  
I'm a bit bored--I've just played Tetris, then created a website on Lotus Freelance Graphics and gotten rid of it, then played Only-One-Left but I stopped when the cards started hypnotising me, and had dinner. So now I'll write a weird story that I've been thinking of doing for a while. Ash and Misty have a fight over what to watch on TV, and it goes on and on and on while Brock, Pikachu and Togepi watch what they want.  
Started: 11/8/01 Restarted: 17/9/01  
  
Once again Ash, Pikachu, Misty, Togepi and Brock were staying at a Pokémon centre. Nothing unusual about that... except that they had a TV in their room.  
While Misty and Brock put away their packs and Togepi practised cartwheels on Misty's bed, Ash and Pikachu were looking out the window.  
"It's still light out," said Ash. "We can do some more training!"  
"Ash, it's raining!" said Misty.  
Ash had a closer look. "Only a little," he replied. "We can stand it, right Pikachu?"  
Just then there was a crack of thunder and it started raining cats, dogs, Meowth, Growlithe and the occasional Foretress.  
"Pika," sighed Pikachu.  
"Ash, you're not going out in that. Think of your Pokémon," said Brock.  
Ash sighed the sigh of an impatient ten-year-old Pokémon Trainer with a Pikachu and an Official Pokémon League hat who was cooped up in a room in a Pokémon Centre in some town that the author didn't want to name because she was too much of a doofus to decide on the town with the sister of the three Sensational Sisters from the Cerulean Gym and her Togepi and the former leader of the Pewter City Gym who is so cool and-- *along comes Pikachu13 and hits PinkScyther in the face with her computer keyboard*.  
Anyway, Ash reluctantly turned away from the window and tripped over the TV's remote. The batteries flew out and hit Togepi, and she began to lose her balance. "Tog-tog-tog-tog-tog-tog-tooog!" she cried.  
"Pipipi!" cried Pikachu and jumped up to grab her, but then Togepi stood up perfectly balanced and walked right over Pikachu. "Pikaaah..." he sighed. He was beginning that Togepi faked all her potential fatal accidents. He wasn't sure what gave him that impression, although it might have something to do with the fact that it had happened seven hundred and sixty-five thousand, nine hundred and fourty-three point six nine five times in the past half hour. Pikachu was pretty exhausted. Hopefully Ash, Brock and Misty would have a quiet night in front of the TV...  
"There's a show about Pokémon," said Ash, looking at a TV guide. "Let's watch the TV!"  
He took the remote that Brock had fixed, and turned the TV on. There was a Pokémon battle going on with an annoying commentator who sounded a lot like the one from Pokémon Stadium, only even more like Tracey and thus even more annoying.  
"Ash, you see that kind of thing every day of your life. Why don't we watch something different?!" cried Misty. She grabbed the remote and changed the channel. The Home And Away theme song started up.  
Ash stared. "A SOAP?" he asked in astonishment. "Only girls watch soaps!"   
Of course Misty hit him with the first thing she could lay her hands on--the remote. Brock ducked the batteries as they went flying past his head. He thought a bit, and decided maybe he shouldn't replace them. But Togepi picked them up and replaced them herself. "Tog tog prrri!"  
"Soaps are boring! Why can't we watch something interesting?!" said Ash.  
"Just because you want to be a Pokémon Master doesn't mean you have to watch other people battle on TV! That's REALLY boring!" retorted Misty. Brock, Pikachu and Togepi groaned because this meant that they would have to sit through yet another boring argument which was boring to do because Ash vs Misty arguments are boring, and the word boring was getting boring because the author wouldn't stop using it and there were now seven borings in only two sentences.  
"Eight actually," said Brock.  
Whatever.  
"And three sentences,"  
Oh, sorry. I'm not perfect.   
"Why don't you have quotation marks?"  
I dunno. Authors don't, unless they're in the fic.  
"I've seen authors with quotation marks when they aren't in the fic."  
Really?   
"Yeah,"  
"How's this?"  
"Great! Now, what about the story?"  
"Oh yeah, that."  
Ash then picked up a pillow and threw it at Misty. She ducked and then threw it back. Ash of course didn't duck, and was hit right in the face. "Hey!" he complained. He picked up PinkScyther's paper aeroplane that she made in english class and threw it at Misty. But he missed again. Ash hid under the pillow to escape the wrath of PinkScyther's paper plane as it flew back c/o Misty. He then picked up the three sad pieces of plastic that were once PinkScyther's Plastic Teaspoon Of Death before Meowth/Granite Vulpix destroyed it. Pausing only to wonder how the hell PinkScyther's stuff ended up in the Pokémon Centre he threw them at Misty, who sheilded herself with another pillow.  
"Looks like those two are gonna be fighting for a while," said Brock. "Who's got the remote?"  
"Togi!" Togepi aimed it at the TV and pressed the channel up button.  
Nothing happened.  
"Pika... pi, pikachu pi!" said Pikachu as he inspected the battery compartment. (Translation: What... oh, the battery's upside down!")  
Pikachu fixed the remote and then Brock took it and changed the channel. A few notes rang out.   
"It's Seinfeld!" said Brock. "That's a great show!"  
"Togi tog prrri," laughed Togepi.  
"Pipipi, pika pi chu," (Togepi, the funny parts haven't started,)  
Togepi laughed harder, just to be annoying.  
"Hey, I've seen this one. It's really funny!"  
"Pikachu pi pika pi?" (Isn't this the chicken one?)  
"Yeah, the Kenny Rogers Chicken one,"  
So Togepi, Brock and Pikachu spent some quality time together laughing at Seinfeld. When it was over they glanced over at Ash and Misty.  
They were at opposite sides of the room, both with barricades of pillows to try and block out the hail of plastic spoon pieces that they were directing at each other.  
Pikachu, Togepi and Brock turned back to the TV with a slight sigh. "What's on now?" asked Brock.  
"Pikachu," said Pikachu, reading the guide.  
"Angelmouse? Why are they putting a kids show on right after Seinfeld?"  
"Pika pi chu pika?" (What time is it anyway?)  
"I don't know. Time is irrelevant in this story anyway. The TV schedulings are too impossible to consider time,"  
"Togi, prrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrriiiiiii!" shushed Togepi, so they watched Angelmouse.  
"Why don't they ever tell you what Angelmouse's bird friend's name is?" wondered Brock.  
"Pikachu pika..." (It's a mystery...)  
The three sat there thinking for a few seconds, and only Togepi had an answer before the next show came on.  
"Togiiiiiiiiiii!" squeaked Togepi, in the tone of voice that suggested that this was a really boring show...  
"That makes nine!"  
"Nine what?"  
"Borings,"  
"Oh, okay. By the way, if Ash and Misty wreck my plane, would you throw the remote at them for me?"  
"Togi togi!"  
"Thanks Togepi, but remember, ONLY if they wreck the plane!"  
So Togepi put the remote down.  
"Pika pi?" (The Bill?)  
"Oh no, not that pommy crime show!"  
"PinkScyther, you might offend one of your readers with that word,"  
"Oh, um, yeah, sorry anyone. Thanks Brock, I'll just shut up for a while."  
"Okay. Hey, the World's Wildest Police Videos is on the other channel!"  
"PIK-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!"  
"PRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!"  
"It... it's horrible... it's... PLASMO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
Again Pikachu, Togepi and Brock screamed in terror, and fumbled for the remote. They managed to change the channel before any of the terrifying images reached them, and breathed a sigh of relief.  
"So what's on this channel?" wondered Brock out loud.  
"Pika!" (Footy!)  
"Togiii? Tog prrri!" (Footy? This isn't football!)  
"It's Aussie Rules," explained Brock. (A/N What kind of football they play in Johto I have no idea, but it's not Aussie Rules)  
The two Pokémon and one human happily sat back to watch Essendon vs Hawthorn.  
"Pika pi chu, pi pi pi?" (Who are you going for, Togepi?)  
"Togi!" (The Hawks!)  
"Hawthorn? They're gonna lose!" said Brock. "Essendon will kick their butts!"  
"Togi?! Prriii tog togi!!!" (What?! The Bombers are losers!!!)  
"Pi, pi!" Pikachu tried to calm them down. Ash and Misty were annoying enough in the background there. Brock and Togepi in the foreground would be too much.  
  
A whole game later and Togepi was sulking.  
"150 to 47! So, who are the losers Togepi?" crowed Brock. (A/N GO ESSENDON!!! Heh heh heh.)  
To take her mind off it Togepi had a look at Ash and Misty. The fight was a little more interesting, because now they had matresses covered in raincoats for barricades, and were throwing water balloons at each other.   
*SPLAT! SPLASH! SQUASH! And other water balloon fight sound FX*  
But somehow Ash and Misty managed to make a water fight a little tedious after a while.   
"Togi prrriii!" (Go Misty!)  
"Pika pika!" (Go Ash!)  
"Prrriii!" (Misty!)  
"Pika!" (Ash!)  
"Oh please," moaned Brock, "not more arguing!"  
But Pikachu and Togepi, because they didn't argue much, could make their arguments short and sweet, and very good to watch, which is what Brock did.  
The curtains opened and the spotlight shone on Pikachu and Togepi. Togepi had a cheerleader outfit on: the skirt (blue), the shirt with the initial M on it (in blue) and the pompoms (blue and white). Pikachu had a more masculine version of the cheerleader outfit: basketball shorts (red), a singlet with an A (in red) and pompoms (red and white).  
Togepi and Pikachu stood with their backs to the (single person) audience. In their respective languages, they called "Two, four, six, eight, who do we appreciate?"  
Then Pikachu jumped up and did a 180. He started waving the pompoms, dancing, and then chanting (in Pikachu), "Ash, Ash, he's our man! He's gonna kick Misty's can!" He landed in a pose and stayed there as Togepi did a 180, danced around waving the pompoms, and chanted (in Togepi), "Misty, Misty, she's the one! She's gonna kick Ash's bum!"  
She landed and held her pose while Brock applauded wildly. Togepi and Pikachu bowed and then congratulated each other on a good performance. The TV had put them in a good mood (except the football in Togepi's case).  
Not to be outdone, Brock whipped a karaoke machine out of his magical backpack, lights started flashing and he started singing. Togepi and Pikachu clapped and whistled and joined in the chorus.  
"Another one bites the dust!" they sang. "Another one bites the dust!"  
  
After the song they sat down to watch more TV.  
"Ahh, it's just the news," sighed Brock.  
"Prrri, togi!" (So, change channels!)  
"News is always on at the same time on all channels."  
"Pika chu." (It's annoying.)  
Then they had a sports report. Among the usual boring stuff was the Essendon victory they had recently witnessed (Togepi growled a little while Brock looked smug), and something that had been edited out of the game.  
"Togi, tog tog prrriii!" (Hey, there was a streaker!) laughed Togepi. "Togi prri tog tog togi!" (They always edit out the best part of the game!)  
"Pi, pikachu pi pika..." (Hey, that guy looks familiar...) said Pikachu. He looked at the TV screen, then at Brock, then back at the TV, then back at Brock. "Pi chu pi..." (It wasn't...)  
Brock squirmed. "Umm..."  
"PI?!" (WHAT?!)  
"Well, that was when Ash and Misty were having that other argument, and I just got so fed up I wandered off, and saw the game..." (A/N He wandered off? More like emigrated... you don't just wander off and end up in Australia)  
"Pika, pi..." (Oh, Brock...) Pikachu put his paw on his forehead and sighed one of those mushroom shaped clouds.  
"Togi, tog tog prrri. Togi togi!" (Actually, I'm pretty impressed. The cops didn't get you!)  
To try and get off the subject, Brock turned and looked at Ash and Misty.  
Now, the place looked like a war zone. Literally. The barbed wire, sandbag-type barricade thingies, potholes from grenades and stuff... straight out of a movie (or actually, those cartoons that have the stuff that looks straight out of a movie). Except the red and blue paint splatted around.  
Ash and Misty were watching each other warily. They both had the camoflage gear and all. Then suddenly they both popped out and started shooting at each other.  
Paintballs flew everywhere. *BANG, SPLAT, etc.*   
Ash copped one on the arm. "I'm hit!" he screamed and fell over. The next minute, he was loading a cannon. "FIRE!" he cried.   
A paint filled balloon sailed over towards Misty. "Whoa!" She ducked. The next second, there was a heat seeking missile flying towards Ash. A little of the paint inside splattered out as it screamed towards Ash.  
Just then, Brock grabbed the remote and changed the channel ino one sudden movement. Togepi and Pikachu looked at the TV guide, which was still in the air, Brock had moved so fast. Then they too made for the TV.  
"SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" they shushed in unision.   
That's when Ash and Misty heard the familiar theme song, and the missile came to a screaming halt just nanometres from Ash's face. Or rather, where Ash's face had been.  
Both he and Misty were now in front of the TV, having moved so fast even Time and Space took a second to realise that they'd gone.  
The two cute Pokémon, two paint spattered humans and one not spattered human sat and watched... *pause* *another pause* *long pause* *even longer pause* *suspenseful pause* *annoying pause* *penultimate pause* *last pause* ... Malcolm In The Middle!!!  
  
Then, once the most wonderful, great and mighty show was over, a miracle happened.   
Ash and Misty looked at each other. "I'm sorry," they said at the same time.  
Brock, Pikachu and Togepi looked at each other in astonishment. No other show was incredibly amazing enough to make this happen.  
Ash and Misty smiled and hugged each other. Then they hugged Brock, then Pikachu, and Togepi. Then they all hugged each other. Then they got out the karaoke machine and had fun together.  
  
THE--  
  
But suddenly, just when they thought they would have a happy ending, the happy group caught sight of the TV screen, and what they saw made the Pokémon look puzzled while the three humans screamed in terror.  
  
THE END  
  
Finished: 31/8/01  
What did they see on the screen? MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!! Wouldn't you like to know? COWER MERE MORTALS!!! -- I mean, review. If you do, I'll post the fic about what they saw, and give you eternal satisfaction... for a few minutes until you finish finding out what happened and then realise that you have just read an entire insane PinkScyther story of your own free will.  
And there will be more insanity!!! Eventually. People riding Furret, hopefully my horror movie story, maybe Magikarp getting revenge on Granite Vulpix aka Meowth, and my attempts at seriousness in The First Epic... I haven't forgotten it. Oh yeah, more serious (I think) fics: a Jurassic Park type thing, a movie about Ash winning the Pokémon League (only everyone has done that by now but oh well) but not for ages. And possible more insanity with giant Pokémon on rampages destroying towns. 


End file.
